The Punch

"Kaya mong makapatay ng tao iho" said by an old lady who claims to have psychic abilities, one of which is palm reading.

I was around 8 when someone told me that. Years later, every fortune teller who sees my hand says the same thing. The fifth one was last month during one of my drinking sessions. I never believed in those, though, at the back of my head, something tells me to be careful. To be cautious about my emotions. To learn to control it.

I failed yesterday. 

I went to Ex's house yesterday. No plans of seeing him. I just need to drop by the parking area and get some papers in the car. Kuya Guard, who recognized me in an instant, approached me and showed me where the car is. Since its been months since we last saw each other, he made sure I feel welcome by having a conversation. 

"Akyat ka muna sir, andiyan naman si sir sa taas, tagal mo na rin namang hindi nakaakyat dun e" said Kuya.

He was so insisting that I gave in. I picked up my phone, dialed his number (I wanted to make sure that he won't be surprised) but I got no reply.

"Kukunin ko lang yung internet ko" I said to myself while inside the elevator. Though a part of me wants to see him, but I know that its probably a wrong call. 

The hall was empty and bright and all I heard was my footsteps towards the end of the west wing.

1401B

It took me a minute to have my first doorbell. No response. He's probably asleep. "Isa pa", I said to myself, "aalis na ako pag wala parin" The second was successful. I heard footsteps towards the door. I took a deep breath and prepared myself.

The door opened.  He went out and closed the door at once. It was different since I'm used to just go in immediately. He appears to have just gotten out of the bed. May muta pa nga. I told him I will just get the internet modem. But instead of letting me in, he just stared at me. 

I suddenly realized he never wanted me inside. That he might be with someone at that time. "May kasama ka?" I asked. "Yes, si Jeff andiyan" he said in a low tone (Jeff is the new guy now). I was caught off guard. I don't know what happened. I don't know what to do. "Sige, aalis na ako" I said and immediately turned away. He said something like "Hatid ko nalang sayo mamaya" or I don't know. I didn't catch it up since I hurriedly walked back to the elevator. "Wag na lang" I said. Not really sure if he heard it or not. 

Ground Floor

Kuya Guard was smiling at me. I just said to him "Tulog pa ata kuya. Sige, mamaya nalang". I hurriedly left the place. Feeling something heavy in my chest. Feeling betrayed. Feeling confused. Helpless. I suddenly found myself inside a bar, ordering beer and smoking sticks of cigarette.

I wanted to punch him. I felt betrayed since the last time we talked, he said that they are no longer having a decent communication for the past three months. That he wanted to fix himself. That he is still, in love with me. "Everything was a lie" I thought to myself. How stupid of me to believe him. That we'll be at least able to patch up things. I was wrong. Nabastos ako. I used to be in that bed. A bed we decided to buy together. And now, he's enjoying its comfort with someone else. I know what I'm thinking was wrong. But that's what I felt.

I tried calling him after drinking. I even messaged him to meet me but got no reply. I went home. Thinking that this feeling will pass away. But it didn't. At around 1030PM, he called. His voice was so natural. Like he was telling me that he's free now and he's with no one. That he's just cleaning up. We met up. Primarily to get the internet. But also, I wanted to land my fist on his face. 

He picked me up. We even went on grocery and McDo to grab something to eat. We ended up in his unit. At the same bed, just watching movie. I said I wanted to leave and go home. I was trying to avoid the idea of punching him that's why I insisted to go home. He was resistant with the idea at first but he gave in and immediately looked for the car keys to bring me back home. He acted normal. I salute him for that.

"So kayo pa ni Jeff?" I asked him before leaving the house. He said yes and immediately said he does not want to talk about it right now. He was caught off guard with the next event. My right fist landed straight to his face. "What the f*ck" he shouted. I too was shocked with what I did. He went rushing to the CR and vomited on the bowl. He was bleeding. And all I did was just stand there, looked at him with a sarcastic smile. 

"Gumanti ka" I said. But instead of doing it. He drove me off and closed the door of the CR. I can hear him vomit. Cursing. Purging. Then some sobs. He opened the door, looking furious at me. "So, mag walk-out ka na naman" I said, but instead of getting a response he immediately went out. "Magsumbong ka kung gusto mo" I said. Not knowing if he heard me. Then he was gone. And I was left alone again.