Sleepless Thoughts 3

Today it felt like the reality has been slapped on my face several times. I want to break down and cry. I want an end to this. I want to vanish.
 

A delayed reaction on what is happening right now. Help me. 

I feel so alone and confused. I am afraid of what will tomorrow bring. I am uncertain if I can still continue my profession. I am not sure if anyone can accept me with my condition right now. 

Where did all the emotions came from? I don't know. It must have been suppressed since January. The famous rash was another culprit. Though according to Local Statistics, 58% of those taking the medication experienced the famous rash, I was praying it won't happen to me, but it did. And because of it, I will be starting on a different combination now. The combination I feared due to its effects. Dizziness, depression, vivid dreams. Most say that the first few months will be a living disaster. Most were not even able to function properly at work. This shouldn't happen. My profession calls for my sound judgement. I am working on a shifting schedule for God's sake. I am handling lives of sick people.

I just feel helpless right now. I wish I have someone to lean on. Someone who'll just stay beside me right now while I wait for the effects of my new medication to kick in. Someone who'll hug me tight while I have my vivid dreams.

Unfortunately, there is no one. 

PS

I already emailed ex last week that I have something to tell him. And if he isn't available, we can just exchange emails instead. He agreed on the latter. I haven't sent him a new mail. I don't think I can do it right now. Not when depression is easily triggered by my new medication. I'll get back to him soon once I have adjusted.

Cheers.